Plenty of labels with teasing, pimps and strippers. I will go out on a limb and commend the photo on the left. It’s about as “tasteful” and arty as a “strip tease” label should be, in our opinion. And, she’s not so skinny as the woman to her right. I am not so sure I’d go out on the same limb for the imagery on the right, but it’s undoubtedly a fine choice if you’re in the market for an almond flavored grape wine (and much classier than this one). Strip Tease is Argentina sparkling red wine. VIP Almond Sparkle is made by Weibel in California.

It is likely that all beer, wine and spirits labels will change dramatically in the near future. TTB has been working on new rules since CSPI and other groups submitted a petition in 2003. The new rules would require a “Serving Facts” panel on every container. This panel would include a lot more information, such as the typical serving size, number of servings per container, calories, carbohydrates, protein and fat. Because this is a big, controversial change, TTB has received more than 18,000 public comments during the past few years. There are far too many comments for most people to review, and so we will highlight and summarize the most noteworthy comments here. The most recent proposal and comments are here. This is comment 19 in a series; to see others, click on the “serving facts” tag below. The staff of various offices within the Federal Trade Commission submitted a 16 page comment. It said:

1. The FTC staff “supports TTB’s proposal to increase substantially the amount of information contained on alcohol labels.”
2. TTB should require labels to disclose ounces of pure alcohol per serving, rather than alc./vol. This would allow consumers to compare servings of different drinks without doing mathematical calculations.
3. The FTC and TTB share jurisdiction over alcohol beverage labeling, and coordinate often.
4. About 65% of...

It’s one of the most common and oldest words in the English language. Except nobody knows what it means, apparently. Pure. TTB generally does not allow it on spirits labels, when it appears to describe the end product. So it’s okay to say “made with pure water” but it’s not okay to say “Pure Vodka.” By contrast, there is no such restriction as to wine or beer. It is therefore perfectly okay to suggest that wine, such as the one above, is pure, or to be ambiguous about what is pure. A teenager might call it random and a judge might call it arbitrary. It is not especially clear why Purity Vodka and Pure BS wine should be okay, but Pure Vodka should not be okay. Absolut has pressed to have these age-old restrictions removed (since way back in 2006), but they don’t appear to be going anywhere fast. The rationale has been that it’s very difficult to define what is and isn’t “pure,” so it’s best to put the term off limits. Thanks to Master Distiller Masters for bringing these labels to our attention.

I am not so sure these two go together — but what the hell. Good Catholic Girl wine is Shiraz from Australia. It’s imported by (I should have guessed it) The Grateful Palate of Oxnard, California. It’s a tribute to the winemaker’s grandmother “who was the quintessential GCG.” About as far as possible from an Australian wine is He’Brew Rejewvenator Ale, made in Saratoga Springs, New York. The Man Room seems to have a copy of the announcement for this beer:

Rejewvenator ferments nearly 500 gallons of Fig juice into a half doppleboch, half Belgian inspired dubbel hybrid lager/ale. … With projected 2008 annual sales at over $1.5 million, Shmaltz Brewing is no longer a one-man operation of sole proprietor Jeremy Cowan. Matching his 550% sales increase with 500% growth of his staff, Shmaltz Brewing now operates with five full-time employees.

They sound good. Together?