malt beverage

Way back in December of 2008 we ran Part 1 and Part 2. We didn’t really expect to see too many more variations on this theme, or that it could go a whole lot further. But alas we may have underestimated the frat-boy contingent of the alcohol beverage industry. Not that we think it does or should offend any “adult beverage” consumer. Perhaps the liqueur is Chinese and pronounced Fu-Chen. Perhaps the ale is German. It’s quite possible that our mind is in the gutter, and these labels have nothing whatever to do with sex, but we wouldn’t put any money on it. Lest anyone be unduly offended, I have two kids and I am pretty sure it would take something more than this to set them off kilter. The Fokker Ale is made by Azalea Coast Brewing, in Wilmington, North Carolina. The Fuchen Liqueur is herbal liqueur, imported by BPNC of Temperance, Michigan. We appreciate the irony that this liquor company is situated in Temperance of all places, and a lot of other people apparently felt the same way, as the company has recently changed its name to The Temperance Distilling Company.

Here we have an embarrassment of riches. We didn’t expect to see one beer label about the intricacies of the Internal Revenue Code — let alone two. Tax Ale is a classic from way back in 1996 (hence the miserable photocopy). The fine print, below the big screw, says:

Warning:  This beer is not approved by the Internal Revenue Service. Brewed with compassion for Internal Revenue. … By the Special Audit and Brewing Company.

Ominously, BigHorn only lasted a few more years and got its last approval in 1999. Meanwhile, Lagunitas is still busy tweaking the government left and right. The top of the Correction Ale label seems to refer to section 401(k) of the Internal Revenue Code, and our dwindling retirement accounts. The text on the right side of the label says:

Who would ever [give] their money to a guy with a name like “Made-Off”? … If it was all too good to be true, it was. … OK, we all partied down and, YES, we took some liberties with some of our female guests. But now it’s the day after Mardi Gras when everyone kneels down and prays. Apparently it really is possible to have too much fun. But it is far better to have partied and lost than never...

We would never want to suggest that alcohol can solve all the world’s problems. But, for those having trouble keeping their pants on, we would strongly recommend just a small dose of the Pantius Droppus. It’s made by The Ellicottville Brewing Company of Ellicottville, New York. And for those having trouble with another person’s pants staying on, we would have to recommend the Panty Peeler (above). It’s not a small problem.