malt beverage

If you spend any time at all on this blog, or at the liquor store, we think you will have no trouble finding plenty of ornately packaged beverages. In glaring contrast, there are the products above. They are a marvel of minimalism. No art. No UPC. No singing the praises of the beer’s astonishing finish. These labels have only what TTB requires, and barely that. Simple labels like this may be about to go the way of the horse and buggy. Sooner or later, TTB is likely to approximately double the number of elements required on a label like this. In addition to Warning, type, brand, bottler, and net contents (as above), TTB is gearing up to require alcohol content, typical serving size, number of servings per container, calories, carbohydrates, protein, fat and allergens. Enjoy the simple things, while you can. Malt Beverage and Beer are produced by The Beer Factory of Copley, Ohio.

There is a huge, long history of associating alcohol beverages with death and demise. In recent US history, this is famously illustrated by the Black Death Vodka episode of the 1990s. This trend shows no signs of abating. Rigor Mortis Ale is made in Quebec, Canada and is imported by Shelton Brothers. The label does not explain why the product is adorned with a rotting corpse and snails and ants. Would you rather stare at a frosty glacier or a rotting corpse as you quaff a brew? Wikipedia explains that rigor mortis is:

postmortem rigidity due to buildup of lactic acid, which causes “the actin and myosin filaments of the muscle fibers [to] remain linked until the muscles begin to decompose.” (In simpler terms, this means that the muscles become stiff because there is a build up of the waste of the energy producing process of the body. This buildup is because the chained tissues of muscles hook together and stick until the body starts to decompose. During decomposition, this buildup is broken down over time.) Immediately following death the body is flaccid. It becomes increasingly rigid over time due to lack of ATP and buildup of lactic acid. This process happens in stages over the first thirty six hours post...

And a Happy Festivus to all. Let the AOG commence!

FRANK: Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you’re gonna hear about it! You, Kruger. My son tells me your company stinks! GEORGE: Oh, God.

Festivus is a secular holiday alternative to Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa, popularized in the December 18, 1997 episode of Seinfeld, The Strike. It is celebrated December 23rd. The Ale is from Cricket Hill of New Jersey and the wine (above) is from Pecan Ridge of Oklahoma.