It’s not just the bikinis. Honestly. It’s also the heathens in the background, the witty writing, the just-right art. In very little time and space, this label tells quite a story. The back label for the 2008 Cycle Buff Beauty Australian Malbec intones:

Like a 32 inch waist in a fat man store, Misfit Wine Co. doesn’t fit in. … The Cycle Buff Beauty, a tale of escape. How two exquisite beauties escape the clutches of heathen hands that would nave otherwise squeezed all life from their precious bodies. This Malbec Shiraz is a tribute to those who held onto their precious rose and escaped the clutches of those who just don’t know.

I wasn’t sure what to think about this raw tale. The fenceviewer blog tries to size it up, saying:

Cycle Buff Beauty is, beyond doubt, the kookiest wine we have ever sampled. Also, one of the better ones. … Goes well with steak; ideally suited for brontosaurus. … It is almost as full-bodied and raucous as the bodacious babes on the label. … [It] has attitude [and] astonishing label art.

This story of narrowly escaped rape and murder probably would not be shocking on a TV show in this day and age, but it still makes for a very...

Here are three more Sorelli labels. This time, the lady is getting annoyed. A few days ago we showed the first four Sorelli labels in this series, and in the next post we will finish up with a few more. Click below for the full label:

• make your own damn dinner
• he had not yet known true torment
• ran into my ex

These made me laugh. Sorelli is a series of about a dozen Tuscan wines imported by Monsieur Touton Selection of New York, New York. Almost every one in the series is funny and well-executed. The main images from the first four labels are above and we will show most of the others during the next week. Click below for the full label:

• let the games begin
• domestically disabled
• whisper my favorite words
• I can’t be good all the time

L’Chaim Vodka is distilled no less than 18 times. In an excellent website (www.theendofvodka.com), VeeV Acai Liqueur pokes fun at the vodkas distilled 3, 5, 23, 570 times. The site is funny, pretty, and makes a good point. It tends to suggest that after the first couple of distillations, and after pushing the spirit past 190 proof, it’s a fairly pointless exercise to distill it more. Virtuoso Distillers, of Mishawaka, Indiana, is undaunted. In box 19 of the L’Chaim approval, Steven Ross patiently explains that the vodka is distilled 18 times. TTB frequently asks for such a confirmation, when the label sets forth the number of distillations or filtrations. This is odd because the label already claims it under penalty of perjury, the certification doesn’t seem to make it any more likely to be true, and it would seem to be a minor point in any event (for the reasons suggested by VeeV). Mr. Ross has a lot more going on, on this label. He further explains that L’Chaim (or, “To Life”) is similar to “cheers,” carefully avoiding any suggestion that it’s about health. This is not a small matter because, prior to this approval, the term was rarely used in a prominent way on US alcohol beverage labels. Mr. Ross explains that the letters...